30 Things - Relationship With Parents

#3 Describe Your Relationship With Your Parents

For an explanation of 30 Things and past posts, click here:

Childhood (up to 12 years old)

I have a horrible memory for my life when I was a kid. I once told my brother that I didn’t remember him at all from my childhood. When he looked upset by that, I simply reassured him that it was okay, because I barely remembered me from my childhood. So, I don’t really know exactly how my relationship with my parents was.

I do know that, because my mom stayed home, I was very close to her. Apparently, when I was a baby, I was pretty easy to take care of. All Mom had to do was stand in the kitchen and I would play at her feet with the pots and pans. One of my favorite baby pictures is me with a red strainer on my head. I followed Mom wherever she went and happily played near her. I remember her making me tuna fish sandwiches served with Cheetos every day for lunch during kindergarten. I remember coming home from first and second grade and joining my mom on her bed at the end of her nap and talking her ear off about my day while we cuddled. I’m pretty sure I told my mom everything, I loved spending time with her, and I felt better about myself when I was with her.

My dad worked hard and was in the Stake Presidency all through this time. So unfortunately, he wasn’t around much. But when was, I loved it. On days that he would get home late after we were already in bed, he would come upstairs and cuddle with me for a bit, then with Sarah (we shared a room) and stay with us until we fell asleep. As the baby in the family, I had a tendency to get picked on. Dad paid attention and when he could see me getting hurt by it, he’d make sure the big kids stopped. If I was just frustrated or mad, he’d let them continue and maybe join in himself, but as soon as my emotions crossed the line to pain and hurt, he’d step in. The thing I remember most often was the sound of Dad locking the front door every night when we went to bed. I loved knowing that not only was he providing for us at work, but he was protecting us by keeping the scary things of the dark that wanted to hurt us from coming in (or at least that’s how I saw it). I always felt safe as soon as I heard that thud and knew he was watching out for us.

Teenage years (12 – 18)

The first year or so of my teenage years was a little rough. But after being grounded for 2 months straight once, I decided on my own that I wanted to change, so my relationship with my parents improved drastically after that.

During high school, I considered my mom my best friend. There was nothing I liked more than sitting around and talking with her about anything and everything on my mind. I valued Mom’s opinion more than anyone else’s (well, of course as a teenager there were a few times I cared more about other people’s opinions, but it was definitely not the majority of the time).  Mom often encouraged me to serve a mission when I grew up, emphasizing the fact that because it was the best preparation she could have possibly had for life, she wanted me to experience that as well. And she had faith in me that I could be a really successful, powerful missionary. It was good to be believed in, with the expectation of triumph, rather than failure.

Dad was no longer in the Stake Presidency when I was in high school, and started having Fridays off, so I saw him more. He did what he could to support me in my activities and go watch me in the marching band as often as he could. I wouldn’t say we were super close at the time, a fact that I really regret and wish had been different. I think this was partly because he didn’t know how to relate to me and mostly because I didn’t really give him the chance. I respected him and looked up to him, we just didn’t have much to talk about. And that’s okay.

Undergraduate and Mission years (18-23)

Growing up and moving away definitely changed my relationship with my parents, many times over. Of course there is the awkward stage of trying to figure out how to have an adult relationship with your parents. Then there is the part where you realize that your parents aren’t perfect, which is hard in some ways but really good as well because you realize that they are human too. It’s a confusing time, but I think my parents handled it great.

With my mom, the first few years of college I did what I could to stay as close to Mom as we had been before. I would call at least a few times and week, sometimes every day just to talk or get her opinion on things. Mom tried not to call me very much because she wanted me to see that she saw me as an adult and didn’t want to force herself upon me, which was good, but I also always wanted her to call me more and feel the desire she had to talk to me. When I went on my mission, Mom sent me great care packages and let me know how proud of me she was (actually she would say “greatly pleased” to avoid the “sin” of pride, which I thought was cute). She wanted to know everything I was experiencing and was so happy to see me experience what she loved so much.

Dad and I didn’t keep in touch as much when I first went to college. Any time I called and he answered he would ask a few questions and then, assuming that I just wanted to talk to Mom, hand the phone over to her. Any time I was in a financial bind or needed help flying home, he was willing to help as much as he could. I was to be as financially independent as possible, and only go to him when I really needed it, which I think I did well at not abusing, and it was good to know that I could always rely on him. On my mission, Dad really stepped it up and wrote me a letter every week. It was mostly just his weekly journal that he would print and send to me, with a few adjustments here and there. It meant more to me than he could possibly know. I trusted in those letters, knowing that they would come every week and it made me feel safe and loved, feelings that were semi-rare during those times. I think I got to know him through those letters in a way I never had before, and I loved seeing little bits of him through his writing. Some of my most prized possessions are a few letters he wrote by hand when he was unable to type or print. My dad doesn’t like to write and doesn’t like his handwriting, so to know that he still wrote me anyway was so special.

Graduate School (24-current)

Moving back near home, only an hour away, has changed our relationships again. I got used to not talking to Mom as often while on my mission, so I no longer call just to talk, except in rare situations. Also, I’m crazy busy, and so is she. But when we get together we talk too much and always end up being together longer than we should (which usually ends in me driving back to Houston at 1 in the morning). I value Mom’s opinion just as I did before, but I no longer feel like I need it as much. I used to need to know what she thought about anything before I could make a decision, but now I am confident that I can make my own decisions and she will support me. Which is such a good feeling. I think we are finally, after 7 years of me being “an adult” and navigating the waters of emerging adulthood, I feel confident in myself, I know that she is confident in me, and we are able to relate as adults, rather than as parent/child. Mom cracks me up and I love spending time with her (and wish we could see each other more). I know that she wants the best for me and trusts that everything will work out. Though our relationship is different now, I really believe that Mom was the exact right mother that I needed; all of her strengths and weaknesses exactly matched to what I needed to develop and learn to become who I am today.  To see more about my relationship with Mom, here is a letter I wrote for her birthday last year.

I think my relationship with Dad has been much better and closer since my mission. Though we are completely different and often don’t understand each other (nuclear physicists and marriage and family therapists are on completely different wave lengths), I know that he loves me. Even though he doesn’t always remember exactly what it is I am doing with my life (but really, do I?) and gets uncomfortable around too much emotion (which I thrive on), I know that he is interested in me and cares about my life and success. Just like he did when I was a kid, he knows when he can tease me about things, and when he better back off and he sticks to it. I think he probably knows me better than I realize because of this skill he has, which I just realized tonight while typing this. I am glad he is my dad and proud of the heritage he has given me as a dimple-chinned Lovell! (The first thing Dad checked on all of us when we were born – to see if we had the Lovell chin). And, Dad gave me the BEST Christmas present ever this year, so he’s pretty much the bombdotcom.

I love my parents a ton, quirks and all! Parentals, thanks for everything you’ve done for me, all the support you’ve given me, and all the love you’ve shown me. I couldn’t be where I am today without you!  You are the best! Love you!!!

*Sorry for the lack of pictures recently, I got a new computer and haven't transferred everything over yet. 

Catch-Up

Well, friends, it's been a while since I've posted. Let me tell you why:

The end of this semester was CRAZY!! Definitely the most stressful end-of-semester-rush I've ever had. Not only did I have presentations, papers, and beastly take-home finals, I also was getting started with my internship. Less than a day after I had my last assignment in, I saw my first client in internship (it went great! Thanks for asking). Plus I got really, really sick. Plus I wanted to hang out with Malorie (my best friend). Plus I went to Austin for a wedding. Plus I slept. And watched TV. So, I was quite busy. And it was stressful. And I am still stressed with Internship...it's crazy getting started. 

Anyway - less talk, more pictures!!

Sarah and I decided that with our new apartment we would paint our names to put on each of our walls. We bought the letters in October, maybe November. We just painted them Saturday. Yes, that is how busy we both have been. But we finally did it and I LOVE how mine turned out! So if you ever come to my apartment and forget my name, don't worry! It's on the wall!! :)

I mentioned some time back about how we planted some Oregano and we were really excited about it. Well, our little Oregano's are growing so big!! I'm so proud of them! They are so cute!!

We also finally planted more herb-garden-like-stuff the past little while. Basil, parsley, chives, lavendar, forget-me-not, impati..something that looks like impatients, and blue bonnets. Some of them aren't growing as fast as we want them to, but we talk to them everyday to make sure they know they are loved. (Remember how I explained my talking to the Oregano guys? Baby voice, eyebrows furrowed, lips puckered and lower lip sticking out. It's a sure fire method to help little plants grow. Promise! Try it! This method also works with dogs and babies. Not necessarily the growing part, but definitely knowing they are loved part). 

So on Friday I was telling Sarah that Becca had texted her. Only...it came out all wrong. Somehow my brain switched the words and I said, "Oh by the way, did you know Texta Becca-ed you?" And then I started walking away. Then I realized what I said. I cocked my head to the side (you know, like dogs do when they're confused - at least I think they're confused - cause that's what I am when I cock my head to the side) and pulled my eyebrows together. I then proceeded to laugh so hard that I immediately made no sound, other than my typical this-is-so-funny-I-can't-make-any-noise-other-than-a-weird-sounding-wheeze laugh. My face turned red. I buckled over and rested my hands on my knees for support in my fit of laughter. I couldn't support my weight anymore because all my energy was going to laughing, trying to breathe, and trying even more to not wet myself (I didn't by the way - though it was a close call) and collapsed onto the floor. Luckily Sarah was quick on her feet and snapped this gem of a picture while I was dying on the floor. Good times!

Remember? I mentioned a wedding? In Austin? It was my cousin Jeremy's wedding. He married Kit. They are such a cute couple - perfect for each other. So glad we got to go and be a part of such a wonderful weekend! Welcome to the family, Kit! Here they are, cutting their cake. 

We don't see these cousins very often (which is sad since they only live a few hours away). But of course, we took the time to get fun pictures. Here are Sarah and I with Emily. She made a face in the picture we took right before this, so we got her back in this picture. My jaw looks quite disconnected, yes? I owe that weird face to my rather large bottom lip. Yes!

 Here is Sarah with Jennifer. Somehow we didn't manage to get a picture with me in there too, which I am quite sad about. I guess we'll just have to bring Jennifer down from Oklahoma to fix that problem. I really enjoyed getting to spend more time with Jennifer as adults. As kids, with her being so much older than I, we weren't close. But now, I think this weekend laid the groundwork for a good cousin-ship!

Here's Sarah, Katrina, Andie, and I. Sadly, this off-center picture is the last and best of about 10. Sarah is usually very skilled at the self-portrait, but this pose just would not cooperate. Sorry you only have half a face, Sarah!

This one was off too, and I cut Sarah out of it because I knew she would be upset if I left her in. She looked great with her pouty-face, but she doesn't think so. Can't do a day of picture taking without at least one kissy-smirky picture! :)

We were SO SO SO excited that Grandma was able to come down from Utah for the wedding. Thanks so much for travelling with her, Aunt Lori!! This was originally just a picture of Mom and Grandma, but I photobombed them! It turned out quite successfully, I think. Grandma looks like she's glaring at Mom, but I'm sure they're are still on friendly terms. 

Oh goodness, I love my Grandma!!! I'm glad we got a picture together! Normally our pictures are of us sitting down, so it's nice to have a standing one. Now if only we can get Grandma to not complain about taking pictures while the picture is being taken so she'll be smiling! But even though she was talking here, I still think this is a great picture! I might even put it on my wall! Hows that, Grandma? (Oh yeah...speaking of pictures on walls, I still need to get you one, Grandma. I'm working on it, I promise! Sorry it's taken me, oh 2 years to get that to you, but I will soon!) Love you, Grandma!

I'm pretty sure my Mom has the best mother-in-law around. I hope I luck out that much someday. These two have a great relationship and have given me a high standard of what to hope for with my in-laws. Sorry both of your eyes are almost closed! But you both still look fabulous!

This picture of Grandma and Sarah is pretty much the best ever. I think it might be the best picture that was taken all day by our cameras (not better than the real wedding pictures, just the ones on our phones). Sarah needs to put it up in her room! Grandma - you're gorgeous!!!

I still cannot believe my little baby niece is 13. And a half! She is growing up so much (sometimes way more than any of us want or are ready for). But Andie and I are becoming very good friends. Though she gets on our nerves sometimes (like any 13 year old - I sure know I got on people's nerves - I even got on my own nerves quite often!), I look forward to any time I get to spend with her. She's a pretty cool chic. Love you, Andie!

Of course, I have to pull a face while everyone else is smiling. I just wouldn't be me if I didn't. :)

I sure do love my sister! We are so dang cute! Especially in our boots! Yee-haw!!

Yeah, we're cute! And glowing. And awesome. And more fun than you can even handle. It's true, just ask me! 

 I am always impressed by my ability to make faces in a split-second. I saw Sarah point her phone at me and pulled this face with basically no warning! I crack myself up! 

And now that things are less crazy I will be back to blogging on a much more regular basis. YES!

He Is Risen!

I love Easter Sunday.

I love that my sister surprised me with an Easter basket full of candy and fun new gardening stuff.

I love all the Easter candy that can only be found this time of year (jelly beans, Cadbury eggs and mini eggs, peeps - YUM!).

I love Easter dinner and how it usually consists of something a little special (a few years ago I had asparagus for the first time ever on Easter - now it's one of my favorite veggies).

I love the bright fun colors that people wear (today I'm wearing a pink blouse, white skirt - and my cowboy boots).

I love the sun shining lightly through my window. (Did I just say that? Normally I hate the sun - I must really be in a good mood).

I love seeing pictures of little kids doing Easter egg hunts (get those up on Facebook, friends!).

But more than anything else, I love that I get the time to think about my Savior Jesus Christ and all He has done for me.

I love that Christ loved me enough to pay a ransom for my sins. I love that He suffered for me in the Garden of Gethsemane. I love that I know He not only suffered for my sins, which are many, but that He felt all of my pain, my loneliness, my despair, my fear. He suffered everything I will have ever felt and ever will feel so that in my darkest hours, He would be able to be there and say to my spirit, "Rachel, I know this is hard. I know you are hurting. I know exactly how you feel right now. I know this because I suffered for you. I love you so much that I never want you to feel alone with your pain, so I felt all this for you. If you trust in Me, if you lean on Me, I can help you carry your burdens. I can comfort you and put my arms around you so you know you are not alone. I have graven your image in my hands. I did it all for you, Rachel. I paid the price for your sins. Turn to me and I will forgive you. Together, we can me it. I am here for you. Do not despair. Someday you will be able to see me again, and hug me, and cry with me. I can't wait for that day! But until then, turn turn to me. You may not see me, but you can feel me. I am right here. All this Rachel, because I love you!"

I love that because He rose from the grave, so will I. So will everyone I love. I will get to meet my brother who was taken from this earth before I was born. I will get to see my 3 grandparents who have passed and get to know them so much better than I did here. I will get to meet my ancestors. And we will all be together forever. This life is not the end. This life is just a moment in our eternal lifetimes. I am so grateful for that knowledge!

I am teaching in Relief Society today about the eternal nature of our souls. I know that we lived as spirit children with our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. I know that we chose to come to this life to grow and progress so we could return to live with Them. I know that we have existed forever and we will continue to exist forever. I know that because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ we can be forgiven of our sins and we can live forever with our families in the presence of God.

I am so eternally grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for His Gospel that teaches me how to live my life as He has asked. I am so grateful for the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation, that God loves us enough to allow us to grow through trials, and that He has provided a way for us to return to live with Him again.

When I think of these glorious truths I want to climb on my roof and sing praises to my Savior! He loves us! He is Risen! We will live again! We can be forgiven of our sins! We can have eternal JOY! He is glorious! He is perfect! He is the definition of Love! He is my Savior and Redeemer!

Click here to see a beautiful video of the Atonement, death, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. It's the video you see first on the page.

Click here to learn more about the truths I've expressed here.

I know some of you believe differently than some of what I have expressed here. Some details may be different, but I think we can agree that Jesus is the Christ. He died for us and He lives again! Praise to the Lord, the Almighty!

Happy Easter Sunday, all. Remember the reason we celebrate.

To Mom, on your birthday

Dearingest, darlingest, Momsie:

(but not Popsicle cause I didn’t think about this 3 weeks ago for your birthday – maybe next year!)

Happy Birthday! How does it feel to be 29 yet again? (you know, that’s already weird since your oldest kid is 34, but how weird is it gonna be to be 29 when I, your youngest, is older than that in just over 4 years?)

As you know, I am a loser and have not gotten you a birthday present yet. I will get you one soon, I promise! But until then, I have decided to write you a letter to express to you my love and gratitude.

Mom, you really are the perfect mother for me. Heavenly Father knew what He was doing when He sent me to you and Dad. You might have questioned His reasons when I was born and you found out I was a girl, instead of a boy like you really wanted. (I still remember hearing for the first time about this while we were in England and Dad read to me from his journal of when I was born. I can’t believe you told the doctors to put me back if I was a girl! But I forgive you, cause we both know I am way cooler than any boy ever could have been!) I like to think that I was sent to you for your benefit, but I definitely know I was for my own benefit. I have learned so much from you and I am forever grateful that you are mine.

Thank you for often reminding me of how much fun we had together when I was little. I don’t remember most of that time, but there are pictures and stories that remind me. I love that while you were cooking, you let me sit at your feet playing with the pots and pans. I remember being so excited when you would clear out that one cabinet so I could take a flashlight, a snack, and coloring stuff inside it and play while you did what you needed to in the kitchen. I was so sad when I grew too big to play in there. (And even more sad that cabinet no longer exists! Though I do love the new kitchen). I love that when I was in Joy School, you were one of the teachers, too. I remember the lesson we had at our house where we learned to tie our shoes. I got all the shoes out of the laundry room and put them in the living room. I wanted to know how to tie my shoes before everyone else got there, so you showed me how a few times on one of Dad’s work shoes and I sat there for what seemed forever practicing and practicing. I don’t know if I did learn before my friends got there, but I like to think that I did. I remember eating tuna fish sandwiches and cheetos for lunch ALL the time, while drinking from my little green cup. I remember once, after watching Barney, pulling up a stool next to you in the kitchen and singing the “I love you, you love me” theme song. I was so excited to sing it to you because I felt that so strongly. I remember wanting so badly to get on the bus with Sarah and Michael to go to school and being so sad that I wasn’t old enough. But you were always there to give me a big hug and play with me so I could enjoy being home too. I loved going to the Family History Center with you and playing while you helped other people find records of their ancestors. (Although I did NOT like the time that I stapled my finger… OUCH!) I remember being so excited in the first few years of school when you would come help out at the computer lab – I was so proud of you and proud to be your daughter! I still am.

Thank you for being my friend when I was a teenager. Not in the way that some mothers would rather be the friend than the parent. You were the parent. You had rules and expectations for me and you made sure that I followed them. But you also showed me so much love that even when I got mad at you for small things, or you got mad at me for bigger things, I knew you loved me and I couldn’t stay mad for long. I felt so bad for some of my friends who didn’t have good relationships with their moms. I couldn’t imagine what that would have been like. I always knew that I could count on you and you would be there for whatever I needed. Even though I had bad self-esteem and thought that no one liked me or wanted to my friend, you showed me that I was fun to be with, that I was funny, that I had worth as a person. You wanted to spend time with me and talk with me. You listened to my ideas and encouraged me in the things I wanted to do. I loved when I was in basketball and we would stay up way too late watching the BYU Women’s Basketball games, even though I had to wake up in the morning for seminary. You encouraged me and told me that I could play for BYU if I wanted. I ended up quitting basketball for band, but you showed me that you would always be supportive of my dreams. I remember sitting in the library and talking for hours and hours about anything and everything. While most teenagers wanted to be out with friend (and though I sometimes did too), I wanted to be home, talking with you. I am so grateful that you made home a place I wanted to be, where I felt safe and loved. I remember telling people that you were my best friend (along with some other people, of course). And Mom, I don’t say it enough anymore, but you still are one of my best friends.

Thank you for teaching me about the Gospel, and how to love the Gospel. I never doubted your faith in Christ or in His restored Gospel. I saw how much it meant to you and it made an impression on me. You showed me how I can fulfill my callings in the church. I may not make handouts for my lessons or spend so much time each month visiting teaching so many sisters, assigned and unassigned, like you so faithfully do, but I have learned to accept the call to serve others and put my heart into it. I love the many Gospel centered talks we have had – in Yellowstone, at home, driving to Bay City, going to and from the Temple, on the phone. Growing up, it was so important to me to have someone who I could talk about the Gospel with so I could understand my own beliefs and how they fit into the Gospel. You were that someone. I always knew that I could talk to you about the Gospel and my own spiritual experiences and that you would not only listen, but get excited about it all with me. You still are that someone – just a few weeks ago I shared my new method of scripture study with you because I knew you would encourage me and get excited about it with me. Part of me wanted to yell it from the rooftops because of how much it was helping me, but really, the only person I truly wanted to share it with, was you. My love of the Gospel started with you. You showed me how to recognize the Spirit, how to get the Spirit when I needed it, and how to evaluate myself when I wasn’t feeling it so I could change and get the Spirit back. You taught me that Christ comes first. You never forced me to go to early-morning Seminary, but you encouraged me to go and pointed out to me how it was helping me, and I always went. You encouraged me to study the Book of Mormon, the Bible, and to pay attention to General Conference. You taught me about how our standards are not there to punish us or keep us from having fun, but to protect us and bring us joy. You showed me, through example, that the only way to be truly happy is through living the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Thank you SO much for always encouraging me to go on a mission. I couldn’t count the times that you let me know how important your mission was to you and how much you wanted me to be able to have that experience. Even when I said I just wanted to get married, you said that I should wait because I would learn so many valuable things on my mission that I would need as a wife and mother. Though I’m not either of those, I know that it is true. I will be a much better wife and mother someday than I ever would have been if I had not gone on a mission. You never pushed the idea on me, just constantly reminded me what a wonderful experience it would be. If you hadn’t talked about it so much from the time I was young, I honestly don’t know if I would have gone. I didn’t do it for you, but in part, I did it because of you. You let me know how important it was to you, and I wanted that for myself. And because of you (and the Gospel, of course), I was able to touch many lives and help many people make steps to come unto Christ. I became better because of my mission, and so did many people that I influenced. Thank you for that.

Thank you for being supportive of my life now. You never questioned my desire to be a marriage and family therapist. You only supported me and encouraged me. When I doubt myself, you remind me that I can do this. You point out my God-given strengths and remind me of how they will help me to help others. You let me ramble on and on about what I’m learning, even though it’s probably sometimes boring. You encourage me to better myself in every area of my life, not just in my schooling. You lovingly remind me of the things I need to improve on. No matter what, I always know that you have my best interest at heart.

Thank you for not being perfect. This letter so far may sound like our life is easy and we never have any problems. But we do. Our family life is hard. There are times when all of us, I’m sure, want to scream because of our family is kinda crazy! We have a lot of struggles of all different kinds. We all get mad at each other, tease too much, waste precious time together doing things that don’t matter. We aren’t perfect. But we try. We try to make the best of the situations we are put in. No matter what happens between us, we know that we love each other and we would do anything for each other. We learned that from you, Mom. We aren’t perfect, but we don’t have to be. We get mad, but we forgive and love. No matter what happens, our family is going to make it. We are going to struggle, fight, cry, make mistakes, but we are in this life together. And we are going to make it. We are going to be re-united with ALL our family members. We are going to be together forever, now and in the eternities. And Mom, with the help of Dad, Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ, it’s because of you.

I love you, Mom! Happy Birthday!!!

Love,

Rach (your little punkin)

(Sorry it's a few days late, Mom - life's been crazy!)