The Search for Purpose...in a Blog...

Remember how I said a while back that I was going to actively blog for 3 months? Ha! That, obviously, didn't happen. There are a few reasons why:

I've been SO busy! I recently started my MFT internship. Oh man, I am loving it! I already have 10 clients - how is that even possible?! Granted, only 3 of them am I seeing on my own, while 7 are with co-therapists, but geez! I was not expecting that! I am really enjoying it thought. I really feel like I have come into myself as a therapist over the past few weeks. And let me tell ya, that is a wonderful feeling.

Because of I've been so busy, my time off has been reserved for rest, relaxation, family, and friends. I've been trying to stay busy on the weekends doing things that make me happy (and yes, sometimes staying busy actually means doing nothing all day on purpose, cause sometimes - that just makes me happy!).

I once read that blogging can be difficult for someone with an addictive personality. I DEFINITELY have an addictive personality. (Hello, have you heard about my obsessions with Supernatural and Cafe Rio? No? well, don't worry - you will!) The reason for this is that it is easy to become obsessed with blog stats and comments and all that jazz. And I noticed myself checking to see how many people had viewed my blog, hoping for comments. And well, there weren't as many people looking at my blog as I had hoped for (delusions of grandeur and all...), and there weren't as many comments as I had also hoped for. So I got a little frustrated and gave up in some regards. I understand people not commenting - I never used to either! (I have only recently started to comment on other blogs because I realized how much I craved it with my own blog). So, if you haven't commented - I'm not calling you out or anything. If you don't want to comment, that's just fine and I don't blame you! I have recently realized that writing is really therapeutic for me if I let it. I am getting to the point that I want to write for me, and not just to see how much other people like what I have to say. I just offer this point as a way of explanation for my lack of posts, not as a call to repentance for my readers. :) However, I would like this blog to be a bit more interactive - so if you have the desire to comment, please do!

But really, I think the real reason I haven't been blogging as much is because I want this blog to have a purpose. I want to write about things that matter (with a pleasant smattering of non-important, but fun things as well). I have that purpose in mind, but I'm having a hard time getting myself there. The initial explanation of that purpose is taking me forever to write out. Mostly because it's painful. I want to talk about some things in my life that are hard to even let myself think about, let alone write about them and share them with the world. But I know this is what I want to do, what I need to do, what this blog is meant for. I'm just having difficulty using the little time I have available to face my demons and write the hard stuff instead of relaxing while watching House Hunters. But the hard stuff needs to be written so I can get to the good stuff.

I'm on a journey that I want to share. I want to share it with as many people as I can. I don't know where that journey will end up and I can't guarantee the path will be fun all the time. There are lot of ups and downs, and lately a lot more downs than I would like. That is another reason I haven't been able to write -  I have been in a negative place lately and didn't want to bring others down with me. But I am starting to have a little bit of an up. The path is trying to pull me back down every day, but I am trying to fight it and stay up, stay in the light. Because there is some light, I feel more ready to share. I want to be real in this space - share the good and the bad and be okay with that. But I also know that I don't want it all to be bad, which is probably why I haven't written in a while. The purpose I want for this blog is to share my experiences with as many people as I can. I hope that my experiences can help others in their hard times, whether those trials are similar to mine or not. We all go through hard things. I truly believe that pain needs to be acknowledged, even if for a short time, and I intend to do that here. But the beautiful thing is that, even when there is pain, there is room for joy and hope and growth as well. That is what I want to chronicle here. The bad with the good and the good with the bad.

But, I am still working on writing my story at this point. It may not be here for a while, but I am working on it. In the mean time, you will all just get to hear more about me! Because as much as I want this blog to express my story, it needs some lighter material as well. So don't worry - you'll get to read that, too. If there's anything you'd like to see me write about, let me know!

And now that I have been so very vague about my "journey," I am going to bed! Stay tuned!

I am in desperate need of a vacation. This is me last summer while on vacation. But since I can't take one til August, I go to Yellowstone and our cabin in Island Park, ID in my mind ALL the time! Can't wait to for that beautiful relaxation!

Catch-Up

Well, friends, it's been a while since I've posted. Let me tell you why:

The end of this semester was CRAZY!! Definitely the most stressful end-of-semester-rush I've ever had. Not only did I have presentations, papers, and beastly take-home finals, I also was getting started with my internship. Less than a day after I had my last assignment in, I saw my first client in internship (it went great! Thanks for asking). Plus I got really, really sick. Plus I wanted to hang out with Malorie (my best friend). Plus I went to Austin for a wedding. Plus I slept. And watched TV. So, I was quite busy. And it was stressful. And I am still stressed with Internship...it's crazy getting started. 

Anyway - less talk, more pictures!!

Sarah and I decided that with our new apartment we would paint our names to put on each of our walls. We bought the letters in October, maybe November. We just painted them Saturday. Yes, that is how busy we both have been. But we finally did it and I LOVE how mine turned out! So if you ever come to my apartment and forget my name, don't worry! It's on the wall!! :)

I mentioned some time back about how we planted some Oregano and we were really excited about it. Well, our little Oregano's are growing so big!! I'm so proud of them! They are so cute!!

We also finally planted more herb-garden-like-stuff the past little while. Basil, parsley, chives, lavendar, forget-me-not, impati..something that looks like impatients, and blue bonnets. Some of them aren't growing as fast as we want them to, but we talk to them everyday to make sure they know they are loved. (Remember how I explained my talking to the Oregano guys? Baby voice, eyebrows furrowed, lips puckered and lower lip sticking out. It's a sure fire method to help little plants grow. Promise! Try it! This method also works with dogs and babies. Not necessarily the growing part, but definitely knowing they are loved part). 

So on Friday I was telling Sarah that Becca had texted her. Only...it came out all wrong. Somehow my brain switched the words and I said, "Oh by the way, did you know Texta Becca-ed you?" And then I started walking away. Then I realized what I said. I cocked my head to the side (you know, like dogs do when they're confused - at least I think they're confused - cause that's what I am when I cock my head to the side) and pulled my eyebrows together. I then proceeded to laugh so hard that I immediately made no sound, other than my typical this-is-so-funny-I-can't-make-any-noise-other-than-a-weird-sounding-wheeze laugh. My face turned red. I buckled over and rested my hands on my knees for support in my fit of laughter. I couldn't support my weight anymore because all my energy was going to laughing, trying to breathe, and trying even more to not wet myself (I didn't by the way - though it was a close call) and collapsed onto the floor. Luckily Sarah was quick on her feet and snapped this gem of a picture while I was dying on the floor. Good times!

Remember? I mentioned a wedding? In Austin? It was my cousin Jeremy's wedding. He married Kit. They are such a cute couple - perfect for each other. So glad we got to go and be a part of such a wonderful weekend! Welcome to the family, Kit! Here they are, cutting their cake. 

We don't see these cousins very often (which is sad since they only live a few hours away). But of course, we took the time to get fun pictures. Here are Sarah and I with Emily. She made a face in the picture we took right before this, so we got her back in this picture. My jaw looks quite disconnected, yes? I owe that weird face to my rather large bottom lip. Yes!

 Here is Sarah with Jennifer. Somehow we didn't manage to get a picture with me in there too, which I am quite sad about. I guess we'll just have to bring Jennifer down from Oklahoma to fix that problem. I really enjoyed getting to spend more time with Jennifer as adults. As kids, with her being so much older than I, we weren't close. But now, I think this weekend laid the groundwork for a good cousin-ship!

Here's Sarah, Katrina, Andie, and I. Sadly, this off-center picture is the last and best of about 10. Sarah is usually very skilled at the self-portrait, but this pose just would not cooperate. Sorry you only have half a face, Sarah!

This one was off too, and I cut Sarah out of it because I knew she would be upset if I left her in. She looked great with her pouty-face, but she doesn't think so. Can't do a day of picture taking without at least one kissy-smirky picture! :)

We were SO SO SO excited that Grandma was able to come down from Utah for the wedding. Thanks so much for travelling with her, Aunt Lori!! This was originally just a picture of Mom and Grandma, but I photobombed them! It turned out quite successfully, I think. Grandma looks like she's glaring at Mom, but I'm sure they're are still on friendly terms. 

Oh goodness, I love my Grandma!!! I'm glad we got a picture together! Normally our pictures are of us sitting down, so it's nice to have a standing one. Now if only we can get Grandma to not complain about taking pictures while the picture is being taken so she'll be smiling! But even though she was talking here, I still think this is a great picture! I might even put it on my wall! Hows that, Grandma? (Oh yeah...speaking of pictures on walls, I still need to get you one, Grandma. I'm working on it, I promise! Sorry it's taken me, oh 2 years to get that to you, but I will soon!) Love you, Grandma!

I'm pretty sure my Mom has the best mother-in-law around. I hope I luck out that much someday. These two have a great relationship and have given me a high standard of what to hope for with my in-laws. Sorry both of your eyes are almost closed! But you both still look fabulous!

This picture of Grandma and Sarah is pretty much the best ever. I think it might be the best picture that was taken all day by our cameras (not better than the real wedding pictures, just the ones on our phones). Sarah needs to put it up in her room! Grandma - you're gorgeous!!!

I still cannot believe my little baby niece is 13. And a half! She is growing up so much (sometimes way more than any of us want or are ready for). But Andie and I are becoming very good friends. Though she gets on our nerves sometimes (like any 13 year old - I sure know I got on people's nerves - I even got on my own nerves quite often!), I look forward to any time I get to spend with her. She's a pretty cool chic. Love you, Andie!

Of course, I have to pull a face while everyone else is smiling. I just wouldn't be me if I didn't. :)

I sure do love my sister! We are so dang cute! Especially in our boots! Yee-haw!!

Yeah, we're cute! And glowing. And awesome. And more fun than you can even handle. It's true, just ask me! 

 I am always impressed by my ability to make faces in a split-second. I saw Sarah point her phone at me and pulled this face with basically no warning! I crack myself up! 

And now that things are less crazy I will be back to blogging on a much more regular basis. YES!